We are not broken ones, just shattered pieces of the same bright sun. {Cloud Cult}
I want to hit.
I want to hurt.
I want to give someone else my pain.
I want more power than I have.
I want power over others.
Because love is surrender.
And I don’t want to surrender.
I want to push and fight
and never let go.
— I know that you are somewhere, God.
I need you.
We need you.
Give us the strength
to surrender our power to love.
Rosslyn Academy, Backstage, Annie, 1st Performance
Two boys sit backstage ― their backs against the wall while the first scene runs.
Both of them have on leg bent up near the chest, the other stretched out
on the black, worn floor, one’s just longer than the other’s.
Their feet point out from their bodies, almost touching, but not quite.
A sliver of light, red-white, falls on them, lighting up only part of their faces.
They sit facing the mostly dark room, still, and occasionally whispering.
Their shoulders touch just barely, from shoulder to halfway down the arm.
Do they long for the warmth of body to body?
Do they stay still, maintain touch?
Do they long as I long?
Have you ever seen a dragonfly so big its shadow falls on the ground like a plane?
Have you ever stopped to wonder on the imagination of the delighted child
in an explorer that made them call this animal a mythical, magical creature?
Have you ever seen a homegrown tomato so red
you know it is the only true red?
Have you ever drowned so happily in the perfume of a homegrown tomato that
tears slip down your face as its flesh enters your body to begin a new life?
Tell me, have your eyes ever been opened?
Tell me, are your eyes open?
After Mary Oliver’s “In Provincetown, and Ohio, and Alabama”
“Death taps his black wand and something vanishes.”
The bundles of rhododendron flowers fall through the tangle of branches where the lake water is cool and where, for a while, they are not alive but their petals are white-pink bright still.
The dragonfly, blue and small as an eye, flits along by my boat as his life flows past him. He is unaware, or – I don’t know! – at peace, as his short and shiny breath falls away.
Trees have fallen, tall and stubborn still, into the water and are now covered in algae, feast for the fish.
A leaf, brown and crinkled, and a bug, lay knotted in the tough fabric of the spider’s home.
“Death taps his black wand” and something grows.
“Death taps his black wand” and life overcomes.
Today, I spent $43 on a gift,
a fidget spinner, two pins, one iron-on patch.
I also came home with the most precious of commodities:
four books, poetry and fiction.
Payed for with the swipe of a library card, and the smile of the
quiet-voiced, grey-haired woman behind the counter.
No exchange of money for this
exchange of —dare I say—
soul.
An animal fear floods my throat when there is sudden movement
from the corner of the street where a tarp has been laid over the trees
to protect the men who smoke and drink and chew khat during
the hot hours of a Nairobi weekend day.
The fear boils in the back of my mouth, slow to retreat as I realize
that there is no one coming for my suddenly-fragile form
as I walk towards home.
I will tell you that I had to keep this bile in my throat, this poison.
This is not the kind of thing that you give to people wrapped in
pretty words with a loving card.
This is the kind of thing that shoots from your body.
So I swallow it.
And swallow it.
This is the kind of thing that I must keep.
The next time you talk to an angry woman, remember that she might have had enough
of keeping the bile in her throat.
She might be tired of the poison burning her tongue.
She might not have room in her body for a stranger’s poison.
This is not the kind of thing you wrap in pretty words.
I feel the memory before it is translated for me.
D— swings his arm wide from his body, just above
the ocean’s soft waves,
speaking quickly and persistently in his language.
The others laugh, their faces opening
wide with joy.
The memory as it is recited in a language I don’t know
sweeps over me, and I start laughing too.
The waves wash around us, cold on my body.
They turn to me to translate the story, words stumbling
out of their mouths.
I listen but I already know;
I’m already laughing.
I feel the ghosts of poems unwritten in my mouth.
The man on the side of the road reading his texts;
The pink toilet in the ditch;
The girl cartwheeling on the field;
The theft of a home;
The spiced tea in a mug;
The outstretched legs on a blanket;
The blinking brake lights;
This time;
This life.
Here they are – just for you,
Brought out of their dark home.
We built love up around us like a house.
The old traditions say that we’ve built upon rock.
The old traditions say that our foundation is strong:
It will endure the harshest storms blowing off the seas
Of our lives.
It stands the test of time:
While we redo the floors, the windows keep out the rain.
While we replace the glass in the windows,
We sleep on sturdy floors.
Our carpets are woven of steadfastness and the
Tapestries hung on the mantel, perseverance.
Even when we leave this place, this house of love,
It stands waiting for us, weathered but true,
It’s door swinging wide open for the
Weight of years lived apart.
