Society and My Conflicted Feelings

The majority of my days are spent bashing society, if I’m honest.

What I like to think is a bit different. As always.

I like to think that I can change society for the better, that I wake up every morning ready to do some good. While I do believe that I can change society, I’m certainly not ready for that every morning, especially if that is the morning Dad forgets to make coffee.

I like to think that my faith as a Christian makes me learn to love my society even in its flaws. Which, dare I say, is somewhat true. Though, it does require a lot of conscious thought.

I like to think that as long as I eat a good breakfast, come to school in clothes besides my pajamas, and put in my best effort, surely that counts as contributing to a loving society (you know, the kind of Utopias I write about).

But as I attempt to stay true to my promises of honesty, I am really quite cynical and unimpressed with society a lot of the time.

I grow staggeringly impatient with the society of school, a place where learning is loved and appreciated but only to the extent of grades. I find myself here, trying to balance my love of knowledge and my desire of success, often failing, often angry. I wish that we could go to school to learn, without worrying about grades and opinions and feelings. But alas, everything is intertwined too much to undo, unlike the human knots we made in youth group, sometimes, even teamwork doesn’t make a difference.

I become a gray storming monster after conversations with classmates about politics, religion, abortion, violence. Why can’t we all agree, I ask my mom. She shrugs her shoulders, gives me a hug. I spend the night brooding, astounded that those I love most at school might have different core ideals than me. How does that happen, I ask over and over again. I haven’t found an answer.

I struggle to remind myself that all the world’s problems cannot be fixed by only my right decisions but all of us as a whole, even when we don’t agree, even when we feel like all we can do is go to war about it.

And while I try my best to comprehend the irony and wrong doings of everyone everywhere, including myself, I am overwhelmed by a great desire to love as many people my eyes can see, my hands can touch, my words can reach. Because that is the best I can do, the best any of us can do.

This is where I find myself in society, contributing in my own way. Different than yours, different than our brothers and sisters thousands upon thousands of miles away, and still different from the two-year-old wailing across the hall in my apartment complex.

So as I work to fit myself into the puzzle of our world community, and our aching society, and as you do the same, let’s do it together. Let’s help each other out. I’ll give you a hug when you are hurting, if you listen when all I can do is rant nonsensically. If we can do this, I think, one day we will be whole.



3 thoughts on “Society and My Conflicted Feelings

  1. Not quite sure what this means: “What I like to think is a bit different. As always.” Different than what?

    Love this sentence, and your use of the strike-out: “While I do believe that I can change society, I’m certainly not ready for that every morning, especially if that is the morning Dad forgets to make coffee.”


  2. Reid:) I love how you talk directly to the reader. You make your post seem personal and you convey your opinion humbly and confidently. I can really hear your own personal voice coming through your writing.
    I personally didn’t understand the use of your strike out on the part about your dad and coffee. Was this to add a sense of rawness to your writing? OR is my computer not displaying your post correctly?


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