At the Year’s End

I was irrationally and annoyingly excited for my AP Language and Composition class like the good nerd I am.

I was looking forward to good conversations on life, poetry, literature. I was already envisioning the awesome papers I was going to write. I could just see the bonding between my class of 20. I could imagine the big bucket of enlightenment held over my head, like the buckets of water you can stand under in water parks, just waiting to overflow, cover me head-to-toe.

And then, 2015-’16 started.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, it didn’t work out like that, my one-time-optimism proved wrong, I’ve been trying to tell all those glass-half-full-people.

But that’s the thing: it has worked out almost that beautifully. I’ve had so many fulfilling, enlightening, angering -in all the best ways- conversations, that I go home excited to tell my parents; my brother just rolls his eyes.

I have gotten to know my classmates, through their papers, their attitudes towards their grades. We’ve been angry together, I’ve watched them laugh at books. I’ve read their blogs and almost cried at the individuality of their light.

I’ve felt that big bucket of enlightenment pour over onto me; it hasn’t run out of things to dump on me. I have enjoyed the sensation of being covered in things that build the muscles of my brain, like my mom always says. I wrote this poem, which I decided to include, because it applies. It is basically just my obsession with learning, condensed.


{room for more}

I’m hungry
for things of goodness.

I want to feed
my brain, my soul
with nutritious thoughts.

I want to fill
my body
with things that build
strong sinewy muscle
out of my just-cells self.

I want to feel goodness
pouring and oozing
through the cracked
bits of soul
that linger.

I want to be intentional
about the
probing information
I give myself.

I want to come
to the realization
that there is always
always
room for more.


Now, you’ll notice I haven’t mentioned the “awesome papers” part of my expectations. That’s because it technically didn’t turned out as beautifully. I got some grades I wasn’t expecting, I got a couple essays marked “Inadequate”. I got some essays with the comment by my lovely teacher, “Reid, I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying…” But I was, and am, determined not to be discouraged.

I refuse to step out from under the bucket of learning, loving, and growing that has covered me from head to toe. Because I have never felt as fulfilled as when I am being surrounded by things of goodness.

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